The Do's And Don't's of College Applications

I’m competitive.

It’s not something I like to admit or dwell on, nor is it a word I would use to describe myself. I’ve never been competitive on athletic teams or in the classroom, but there’s a prickle of something (perhaps FOMO or internalized misogyny) that makes me envious of people who are further along in life than me or having experiences I wish I was having.

Entering August, I knew I had to let this go.

Since freshman year, my school has been pressuring its young students to prepare for college. Prepare, prepare, prepare. We started having college meetings sophomore year teaching us how to pick good extracurriculars that colleges would like and recommending we start looking into schools.

I didn’t take this seriously. And I made the right decision.

Some of the kids at my rigorous private school were so hyperfocused on college that they forgot to enjoy high school. Every moment was about grades and sports and clubs, compromising friendships and their own mental health. I started seriously looking into schools in junior year when I started to get excited about college - I was ready to move on from high school.

But this was just what worked for me - some of my friends are just now beginning to look at schools. Others have been steadily visiting universities as the opportunities present themselves but not taking the tours too seriously. Some people are finished with their essays, some haven’t started. Where someone else is in the process doesn’t determine your worth.

Here are a couple of my tips for calming yourself down about the process:

1. Realize that you are your own person

It occurred to me recently that most of my friends and I weren’t even applying to the same schools. Some of them wanted to apply to 3 schools, some wanted to apply to 20. We wouldn’t even overlap in many areas - so why was I stressing myself out competing with them? The colleges I choose to apply to will all be schools I can see myself having a great experience at, and the things that sway my decision are very different from the opinions my friends have about their schools. Remember that every person’s college application process will be different. No one experience is more valid than another.

2. Don’t base your applications on where your friends apply

I know it seems hard to realize that eventually, you’re going to have to leave your high school best friends behind, and college is a scary concept - having someone you know going to the same school might feel safer than being completely alone. But I have two bits of advice: firstly, friendships that are meant to last will last. Long-distance friendships work. Some of my best friends live across the country. You just have to be willing to dedicate time to FaceTime calls and Zoom meetings (yes, that’s how I “hang out” with my friends. Over Zoom. I was way ahead of Covid.) Second piece of advice: you are not going to be the same person in college as you were in high school. Perhaps this is the time to reinvent yourself, make friends with people you would have avoided in the past, and let go of the friendships that aren’t as strong. And hey, who knows, maybe you will end up at the same school as a friend or classmate. As long as you don’t center your decision around someone else’s, you’ll be just fine.

3. Ignore the haters

I need to get off my high horse saying this, but it’s true. I’m lucky to have very supportive parents who are happy with any college decision I make and are allowing me the freedom to choose what I want to do in life. Some people don’t have that luxury. But, if you have parents who are strict about where you apply/go to college, the least you can do is ignore your friends and classmates. Some people apply to Ivies, some go to community college. The important thing is that you are making the decision to pursue a higher education and that is admirable wherever you end up going. And if you decide to take a gap year or not go to college, that’s fine too. The unfortunate reality is that colleges (especially private colleges) are majorly expensive and sometimes we can’t go exactly where we want to go. But ignoring other people’s unhelpful judgments about your decisions can make the process just a tad easier. If you find yourself being swayed in one direction because a friend says “I don’t like that university for you”, you can tell them to fuck off. It’s your life, your decision, and your college experience. To the best of your ability, try to make sure the decision is authentically yours.

4. Don’t apply to too many colleges

Believe me, it will just cause you problems. Firstly, the application process will be exhausting. You may get burnt out and start turning in supplementals that are not the quality that schools expect - remember, quality over quantity. Additionally, the decision process will be more difficult. You will get into more schools and it will be harder to decide between all of them. So be weary and only apply to schools that you seriously love and could see yourself at.

5. Go with your gut

If you have a gut feeling about a school and think it’s the one for you, trust that feeling. Sometimes the decision process can be highly stressful and it may feel impossible deciding between two or more schools. But trust the voice in your head telling you where to go (or where not to go). It’s probably right. And if it’s wrong, well, you can always transfer schools. End the stigma around transferring schools! It’s totally fine to decide you want something different.

6. Don’t let it consume your life

Especially if you are a sophomore (or, god forbid, a freshman) don’t worry yourself with college too much. Keep up in class, explore different extracurriculars, and have fun. Even when you’re a junior and senior, don’t let the looming horror of higher education ruin your life. In fact, have fun with it! College is exciting. Research the schools you like - look at the locations you’d be living in, watch vlogs that students from that school post on YouTube, and try to picture yourself going to school there. It can be really fun to imagine how you’re going to flourish when you go to university.

7. Be realistic

Lastly, be realistic. Do you truly want a huge school with thousands of students and parties every night or were you just starved of a fun, exciting high school experience? Perhaps that’s a little personal, but you get the idea. Make sure you know what you’re getting into: would you truly enjoy going to a rigorous school like Harvard and is it even worth entertaining the idea? Pay attention to acceptance rates and tuition. I recommend reading through the Fiske guide to see what schools are actually like. I’m not telling you to stay in your lane - if you want to apply to Harvard because you know you’d love it even if you think you can’t get in, go ahead and try. But make sure you aren’t applying to a bunch of schools with very low acceptance rates because honestly, a lot of it is about connections and legacy. You can’t trust the system. Even with perfect grades and extracurriculars, that does not guarantee anything. Make sure you have safety, target, and reach schools. Who knows, you may get into every school you apply to. But don’t count on it and don’t be disappointed. If you don’t get into a school, that school does not understand what you can bring to the table. If a school isn’t dying to have you on campus because they see your potential, you don’t want to go there.

So, there you go. That’s my advice. Please take it with a grain of salt because, er, I actually haven’t gotten into any schools yet. Check in with friends who have gone through the process and take their advice. But, following my first rule, remember that everyone’s experience is different and valid.

Happy applying!