Girls Do It Too

Girls masturbate. 

The statement above is uncomfortable. Intimate. It feels like it should remain unspoken. Girls are shushed for talking about it. Glared at for the mere mention of sexual pleasure outside of a relationship. 

But take away the first word and replace it with another — you have boys masturbate. 

This feels different. It feels like a medical necessity. A daily routine. A normal occurrence free from scrutiny and hushed voices. 

Why?

It seems as though female masturbation has been taboo for ages. Masturbation ruins the centuries-old conception that women are pure, innocent, and reliant on men — that their pleasure or sexual desire can only exist for their husbands. 

And, of course, it’s not the seventeenth century anymore, so why is this belief still clinging onto modern perceptions of women? 

Women are no longer quiet, submissive figures existing for childbearing. They never were. Centuries of societal oppression are finally coming undone thanks to the work of thousands of activists and the three waves of feminism that have wreaked havoc on the misogynistic framework of our country in the past 120 years. Yet we still refrain from an conversation about masturbation.

For boys, they talk and joke about it constantly — which I can certainly confirm since I am in high school. But even within my close friendships, we don’t even say the word “masturbate” and rather just widen our eyes and tilt our heads at each other as if to say “you know…. that thing.” 

And for many boys, female masturbation is something they view as theirs. Female masturbation is sexualized for male pleasure as if the reason girls masturbate is that they wish it was a man doing the job. In reality, girls masturbate because — spoiler alert — it fucking feels good. 

No, boys, it’s not for you. 

There’s a sexist assumption that female desire can only be “properly” addressed by a man. In fact, the International Society for Sexual Medicine researched that women orgasm faster when masturbating — because when women are sexually empowered and understand their bodies, it’s simply easier for them to know what they like. 

And there’s even more benefits to masturbation. Research shows that women sleep better and have less painful menstrual cramps when they masturbate. 

Unfortunately, not many women understand or even know of these benefits. In fact, one in five women say they have never, ever masturbated. 

This is likely due to the stigma around the topic — that a woman who masturbates is dirty, slutty, or strange, when in fact women who masturbate are simply more sexually liberated and are able to understand their bodies better, as well as receive the health benefits that masturbation provides. 

The stigma is derived from the notion that even in a world that allows women to feel empowered (to an extent, because we don’t want women feeling 100% equal to men, do we?)*, it is still not heavily accepted within society that women enjoy sex. Sex is a “man” thing, even though heterosexual encounters require at least two players… And what about the ladies who listen to girl in red?

Yes, women enjoy sex, and it’s time the world accepted it. 

Allowing young girls to grow up thinking they’re bad people for feeling sexual desire when they become teens perpetuates this message. It keeps girls from exploring their sexuality at a healthy age and learning what they like (and dislike). It degrades them to vessels for male sexual enjoyment. 

It preserves the belief that women’s voices don’t matter as much in matters of sexuality — we see this daily when it comes to consent, birth control, and abortion laws. Women are unfairly punished for being women who have sex. Consensually or nonconsensually. 

Society shames girls for talking about masturbation — something that is private and concerns only them — and yet publicizes male masturbation because it values men’s sexual prowess over women’s sexual comfort. 

We teach girls that sexual desire is only acceptable in a situation where a man feels the same desire for them, which reduces girls back to the centuries-old expectation that they exist for someone (that “someone” being a man). It reflects onto girls that being sexy and horny (an important and normal feeling) is not okay. It teaches women that they can only be horny if a man is interested in them. 

The female masturbation taboo is outdated and blatantly sexist. The time has come to reject the pressures to hush up about it. 

Talk about masturbation. It’s normal. 

* I'm joking.

art by @recipesforselflove on Instagram.